Tag Archives: Faith

Surviving Christmas!

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Merry Christmas everybody or should I be saying, Merry Christmas Eve. I wasn’t going to post a Christmas message this year. Then I decided that I couldn’t just let Christmas slip past without posting something. I love Christmas! Without a doubt, it’s my favourite time of the year. Our entire family gathers and spends time at our cottages on the lake. Our extended family is large and everyone comes home for the holidays. It really is special as we are a very close family.

Now as much as I love Christmas that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t come without its challenges. As well as being the season that I love the most it can also be one of the hardest times of the year for me. It becomes this balancing act of trying not to let my symptoms get worse and at the same time enjoy the time spent with my family. I wish I could say there’s a magic formula on how to do this but there isn’t.

Stress is an enemy to my body at this time of the year. Actually it’s my enemy all the time! So I do my best to keep it at a minimum however I might need to make that happen. This is the case with so many of us who live with chronic illness. With all of the visiting, parties, shopping, and everything else Christmas self-care becomes really important. This being said everyone’s way of managing those stresses is going to look a little different.

Although it’s this balancing act that I have to manage there are two things that get me through more than anything else. Family and all the support they give me is one. They understand the difficulties that I face at this time of the year. They also understand and accept all the ways that I have to adapt things in order to manage my way through Christmas. Without this type of support and acceptance, it would make it so much more difficult for me.

My faith, however, is the most important piece in all of this. I can’t speak for anyone other than myself. Without my faith, all of this is so much harder to navigate. So Christmas is all the more meaningful to me because I focus on why we celebrate at this time of the year. Knowing that I don’t have to fight this battle on my own makes it so much easier to keep going.

I’m not saying that I don’t have moments in this season when things can be hard. What I am saying however is that I’m choosing to focus on some really positive parts of my life that make this time of the year great. What are you choosing?

Facing Adversity with Faith

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As most of you know from my post a month or so ago, that I have been fighting through some increased pain. To say it’s been testing me in every way that it possibly could is an understatement. Would you believe that I’ve written this piece three times, and every time I am stopped by a mental block of some type. So once again CRPS has decided that it was going to rear its ugly head like only it knows how to do, forcing me to wage a war against it as always.
Back in October I battled through one of the worst flare ups I’ve had in probably ten years. The pain quickly intensified and soon I would find myself headed to the ER, unable to control things any longer without help. Certainly a harsh reminder of how this rare disease can unleash an attack at any moment. Always waiting for an opportunity to defeat you!
Living with a rare disease you go through some days and nights that are going to be the fight of your life. This particular evening was no exception. The battles are never easy to navigate through and difficult for the entire family. However we know that with each situation that we face that God arms us with a strength and power from within. It isn’t a question of if we will win but when we will win this war.
On nights like these naturally your mind becomes filled with thoughts of fear, doubt, anger, sadness, and a host of other emotions. If you know me at all through this blog though, then you know that this is where I begin to speak out through prayer. We pray for peace of mind, wisdom for the physicians, strength and above all healing. Why! I guess because I’ve been through a lot of uncertain situations in the last thirteen years with CRPS, and over that time I’ve seen a lot of answer prayer during that time. This particular night was no exception.
First of all you have to understand where things were at up until that point of the night. When the pain got to be too much I asked my wife to take me to the hospital. Before leaving I said goodbye to my two girls whose strength through all of this reduced me to tears. Instead of being sad or upset by seeing their father in such pain they stayed strong and prayed over me. An answer to what I believe would be the first of three prayers this night.
 When we walked in the doors of the hospital it seemed as if it was going to be one of those nights that too often those of us with rare disease face. With lack of education and understanding of CRPS you often come against obstacles within the medical community. Sure enough this is what we were met with upon arrival at the hospital. We spent the next few hours wondering if this was going to be how the entire night unfolded.
As we waited to see a doctor my wife and I tried to find humor in being laid across a bench at the entrance to emergency because I couldn’t stand or sit. She tried to find ways to make me laugh or ease my mind as we faced this difficult situation together. At a time where I should have been filled with fear and so much more inside there was a peace.
After finally being taken to a bed what happened next was what I believe to be another answer to prayer. Of all the ER physicians on shift I was seen by the one who was familiar with and knew the treatments related to CRPS. What you need to understand is that a lot of physicians don’t know much about the disease. She made some adjustments to my meds and ran a few other tests but above everything else my pain level was back at a manageable level.
Why out of all the physicians that were on staff that night did I get the one who had the knowledge on CRPS?  Why didn’t fear consume my every thought that night? How is it that my family stays so strong through such trials?  When we declare God’s word out loud then something very powerful happens. So I absolutely think that by doing this we had an answer to prayer. Looking back at things now it is very clear just how much God was doing through the course of the night.
Look! I’m not going to hold back in any of what I am trying to say. I only hope you understand what it is that I’m trying to say. We need to be bold and go after those things in our life or situations that we face. We do that by proclaiming the word of God over them. If we do that then we will see amazing things happen in our lives.

What Direction Are You Headed?

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Hi everyone! Yes I’m still here although you’d never know it with how frequently I’ve been writing! I’ve been trying to get to posting but things are crazy right now and I’m trying to stretch myself in ten different directions. Never in a million years did I think that my advocacy efforts would take off in this way but they are. In a couple of weeks we will be holding CRPS Awareness Day(Nov.2) again and I’m happy to say that after only one year we are finally making a impact. Its been a really long road to get to this point but I’m positive that we are taking baby steps to create change!

As usual my health has been up and down one minute I feel good and the next I feel like I’ve been hit by a train! To give you all an update I’ve been dealing with a lot of extra pain in my neck and back as of late that’s been setting off flare ups with my CRPS. I’m working with my neurologist and team of care givers to figure all of this out. We don’t know a lot at this point however I am undergoing some testing. For the time being I’m putting all the tools I use to manage this illness into place in order to help me deal with the pain. With any luck I won’t need more surgery down the road. All I can really do at this point is pray and trust that God gives me the answers.

There’s no use in letting all of this drag me down because that’s not the way I live my life! I’m not sure if you ever truly wrap your head around everything that happens with a diagnosis of CRPS. God can however so I just give Him all the hard stuff to figure out! Yup this disease and everything it puts you through sucks! Without a doubt it will test you more than you ever thought possible! Sometimes however life doesn’t play by the rules and there isn’t much you can do about that. In a past post I said that living with CRPS was like climbing Mount Everest, you encounter storm after storm and at times trying to make it to the summit seems pretty much impossible. In my head I kept getting stuck halfway up the mountain as I was battered by storm after storm. For the longest time I felt as if I was pinned down by these storms as one after the other tried to knock me off the side of the mountain.

Honestly I really feel as if the weather has cleared and now I can keep climbing to get to the summit but its going to take work and determination to get myself there. For all I know there’s another storm around the corner. The will to push on has to come from within and that is something that can only come from me or you! When you find yourself up against storm after storm it can be easy just to turn around heading back down the mountain in defeat!

I know this message might seem a bit repetitive but I can’t stress enough about how much “you” the person dealing with chronic illness play a roll in getting better! You might be saying to yourself right now “but I can’t get better because I have no cure” however I don’t believe for a minute that you can’t. So why is it that there is no cure for CRPS yet I can feel so much better compared to when all of this began? Without a doubt the main reason is because I’ve asked for God’s help to navigate me through all of this. There were storms that I had to weather and it would have been impossible to get through them without His guidance. Did it mean that it made the storm easy to get though? No! Some of those storms have been the toughest things I’ve ever had to ride out in my life. What you need to take away is that God often has us walk through things like this to build strength or courage, and to learn certain things about ourselves.

I guess my question to you is this! Are you willing to do the work it takes to continue the journey and reach the top? Or are you going to turn and head back down the mountain? Its a hard place to be in and trust me when I say that I understand the fear of being stuck and all alone on the side of that mountain. Although you really aren’t alone because God hears your every thought! You just have to ask yourself are you willing to receive the help? I guarantee that He will help you on that climb but what I can’t guarantee is what that path might look like. So are you confused yet?

What I’m trying to say is that I can’t tell you what the rest of your journey is going to look like. You might have to deal with some stuff or go through a few more storms because God doesn’t tell us that everything is going to be easy all the time. What I can tell you is that a peace and strength has been restored in my life that I can’t even begin to understand! All you have to do is ask!

Back to Basics!

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Today has been one of those days where your body reminds you that your still sick! So sometimes you just have to know when to give up and let your body rest. The last few weeks have been more than challenging and its times like these that make this illness so challenging. This won’t change how I face my disease just slow things down until I regain my balance! What’s really important right now is to rely upon my support system that’s in place. Family and fellow advocates are right there if I need them and I’m so lucky to have them there for me.

In recent weeks I’ve been having a lot of problems with not only flare ups but brain fog has been really bad. I have to admit that time for self-health and healing hasn’t been what it should be and I need to get things back on track. After eleven years I’ve learned really well to recognize when somethings not right, and that I need to get back to the basics of managing this illness. It’s a reminder that as much as quality of life has improved that I’m still dealing with a beast that can derail you at a moments notice if you don’t take care of yourself!

Chronic illness doesn’t take time off and so you have to make sure that your staying on top of the things that control the symptoms! Especially with an illness like CRPS where something so little can set off a major flare up. It seems as if CRPS has decided to turn things up a notch so I need to turn up my defense systems as well. That means a whole lot of self care and then turning to the biggest defense system in my life in God. I can’t say enough how much strength I draw from Him when things seem impossible! In fact I don’t often say enough how He’s helped my family and I through this journey.

Am I having a rough go of things right now? You bet! I feel at times as though I could crawl out of my skin. At times my nervous system goes crazy and the emotional swings I’ve felt in the last few weeks have at times been really hard to deal with! If I could tell the gerbil in my head to stop running on his wheel then I would. What doesn’t waiver however is my positive spirit!  You see in order to fight this illness I need a small army to go to all the different areas that are at war in my body. Just like an army mobilizes various units to go fight in various regions or areas of a war, I have to do much of the same with my CRPS. I send one unit to deal with the pain and another to deal with the mental area of the fight. Then lets not forget that I have to send a unit to fight against my nervous system.

Mobilizing an army in this way takes a born leader one well versed in strategy and the ability to get the job done. God is that leader to me! His ability to strategize and bring victory is unmatched! When I’m battle weary He sends help to the areas I need provision in order to allow me to regain my strength to continue on. You have to have trust and confidence in a leader, even though sometimes the battles that you fight and where you find yourself being led don’t make sense. I have to have complete faith that God knows how to take on the enemy that’s trying to wear me down and win this battle. Your best line of defense is being under the leadership of someone who knows how to outsmart the enemy!

So with that being said I want to leave you with this one thing to think about!

2 Samuel 22:33-41

33It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. 34He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he causes me to stand on the heights. 35He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. 36You make your saving help my shield; your help has made me great. 37You provide a broad path for my feet, so that my ankles do not give way. 38I pursued my enemies and crushed them; I did not turn back till they were destroyed. 39I crushed them completely, and they could not rise; they fell beneath my feet. 40You armed me with strength for battle; you humbled my adversaries before me. 41You made my enemies turn their backs in flight, and I destroyed my foes.

Who do you want leading your battle as you fight through adversity? Mine gives me all of this and more!

 

  

Starting A New Chapter!

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imageChanges are in the works! Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been looking at how I can make some changes to this blog for the better! Don’t worry! If you read my blog on a regular basis the guts of the blog will be almost the same but I will be changing the layout and adding some other things to the site. There are a few reasons I want to make some changes but I also want to update its look. I know I’ve been saying that I’d do this for a while now but it just hasn’t been high on the to do list!

If you have any suggestions of what you would like to see on my site then please drop me a line at ross@painfullyoptomistic.com and maybe I will consider it. I just really feel that change has to happen and that if I’m going to do my job as an advocate for CRPS and chronic pain then I have to change a few things around. In doing so it benefits you the reader. Not only will it keep you informed about this journey I am on but I will try to provide you with resources and other information as well.

Over the last year I have been surrounding myself with others with chronic illness who are firmly entrenched in advocacy and have an abundance of information at their fingertips. I’ve been sitting back wanting to make changes with my site but just didn’t know what those changes were going to look like. When people come to this blog I don’t want it to read like a medical journal. If a person is newly diagnosed I want them to not only relate to my illness and know that they are not alone, but know they can come to this site for information as well!

imageIf you follow my blog because you want to follow my journey then your in luck because that will always be included in this site. Its why I started this site and will always be the building block of this site. I’m just looking at ways that I can freshen things up and widen the range of people that my site reaches. Its hard to believe that its been ten years since diagnosis and six years that I’ve been writing this blog. Over that time there have been over 400 posts put up expressing every emotion under the sun. It’s gone through all the different chapters that I’ve been through on this journey with CRPS!

Its been a long journey to this point and I feel as though a new chapter is starting. When I look back at those first posts I see a person who was scared and unsure of what lay down the road. Today even though I still fight intense pain and battle this disease, I’m filled with confidence and know that God has a plan and purpose in all this for my life. I feel as though that next chapter is starting and even though I’m still not sure about the contents that will make up that chapter I’m starting to move ahead anyway. I’m just standing in belief that God is going to show me what that content is going to be.

What I do know is that there has been this shift within me and I want that to start coming out more in my writing. It doesn’t mean that I won’t be real with what I write and tell you about how I’m struggling or feeling on any given day but it does mean that I want to shift how I write a bit as well. I’m still trying to figure all of this out and so please have a little bit of patience if every so often my posts seem a bit scattered. I guess what I really want to say is that if I want this blog to accurately reflect the journey that I’m on and that again requires some change.

When I started this blog back in 2010 my goal and focus at that time was really to just get my emotions out. It was a way for me to express how I was feeling at the time and was a creative outlet to help me. Today it has become so much more than that! Its become a way to share my story and hopefully help others navigate through their storms. Most of all though I want people to see that in ten years of dealing with this illness one person has been responsible for getting me through it. God!