The Battle Within!
Well week one of the school year has come to an end for my girls and I’m finally able to find some time to sit down and write this post. It’s been a bit of a crazy week trying to get back into routine and at the same time finish work on our basement. Yes I did finally say finish! Although it’s not quite done by the end of next week we should be 99% complete. It’s been a long time coming and although I never thought I’d see the end I think I can honestly say I see it now. It comes at the right time because I don’t think I can handle much more. Pain has been harder to handle as of late and the flare ups have been more frequent.
I know things are starting to get a little tougher to manage when my thought process starts to suffer. My short term memory hasn’t been what it normally would, and even trying to interpret what someone is saying can be a challenge as of late. That’s when the frustration level can begin to grow and I find myself asking God to step in and help. I’ve come a long way with this illness, and it can be so frustrating when I suddenly get tripped up and hit out of the blue by certain symptoms of CRPS. It’s that uncertainty of never knowing when your symptoms are going to strike that makes this illness so hard to handle at times. It’s that constant reminder that never goes away.
The mental and physical exhaustion with CRPS is a twenty-four hour a day job. Learning to manage it isn’t easy and when your in the heat of the fire you may think it seems crazy to try and manage it. I’ve spoken with lots of people who say they’ve tried to manage there pain and symptoms, only to try it for a short time and then give up saying it doesn’t work. Managing is a lifestyle and I’ve been doing it for almost eight years now. It took me a long time to identify and learn about my triggers and how they affected my CRPS. Then my therapists and myself had to come up with a short term and a long term plan on how to manage not only the symptoms but the pain as well. Even with my implants I still have to use all my tools every day.
My point is that it takes a long time to see the results, it isn’t going to happen overnight. Along the way there were all kinds of adjustments that we had to make to make things more effective for my specific treatment plan. There has been a lot of hard work along the way and I can honestly say that I’m in a better place because of it. Are things perfect? Not at all! The important thing is that my quality of life has improved for the better. I’ve been able to learn where the lines have to be drawn in order to minimize my pain and reduce flare ups. It isn’t a perfect system though because CRPS has a mind of it’s own and we can’t always control what it’s going to do. There are still lots of days where the pain gets the best of me and I can’t do very much.
There is all kinds of adapting and changing that goes on along the way and you have to be prepared for a fight. When one thing fails to control your pain then try another, but the last thing you want to do is give up. I know I’ve preached this message before and I’ll keep preaching it because change is possible! What it takes though is a whole lot of fight, tougher than anything you’ve done before. You might ask how do you find that fight within yourself. Well the answer is plain and simple, I pray and ask God to give it to me. Without Him quite honestly I don’t think I’d have the same fight that I do.