Hi all! Chronic illness decided that it was going to unleash its fury on me for the past few months. So I ended up taking a break with my writing. Along with other things medications have made writing difficult for me. So instead of adding more stress into the mix, I decided just to take a little time away. Now its time to get back at it!
I don’t have any awe-inspiring messages for you. Although I wish there was! Lol! If I can manage to put something together that has any form of a message at all then I’m doing really well. My writing isn’t on the NY Times Best Selling list and it probably never will be. I write for the simple reason that it helps me express everything that I’ve had to walk through on this journey. Most of all, however, it allows me to share with so many of you who might be on a similar journey.
Okay! So the sharing side of things has been lacking a little lately. Taking care of “me” has to be the priority right now though. That might mean that I have to step back every so often when things get difficult. Things haven’t been easy over the last couple of months. The word “complex” would be an excellent choice of words to describe my health right now. So much so that there are days that I just want to wave the white towel in surrender. Although I refuse to ever do that!
Some days I just wish I was off on my dream vacation to Bora Bora! Relaxing in my glass-bottom hut watching all the fish swim underneath. Unfortunately, the closest that I’ll get to tropical fish swimming right now is one of those large fish tanks they often have in the waiting rooms of Dr’s offices. Lol! It is ok for a person to dream, isn’t it? With everything that’s going on right now, sometimes my mind just needs to escape and go to its happy place.
As I mentioned, things have become more complex with my health since May. Honestly, it has caused me to struggle a bit at times. Is it all related to my CRPS? At this point, I really can’t say because I’m still trying to figure out the new issues that I’m dealing without. So that will be an update for another time. Right now I’m feeling frustrated and run down by all the waiting and the lack of answers. In the meantime, I try to stay hopeful that those answers will come soon.
At times like these when emotions can get out of check. It’s a good time to stop for a second and take a look at the things that are going on inside. Kind of like when you take your car in for its regular yearly checkup! You have them check the oil, top-up fluids, and do any regular maintenance. With all of that, however, the mechanic goes a little bit further with the things he’s checking on. On the outside, everything might appear to be working fine. Until he digs a little bit deeper into the engine where they sometimes find those hard to diagnose problems.
Checking on how I’m doing emotionally is something that I know I can do a better job with. I have to be honest. Sometimes it’s just easier to push my emotions aside and say I’ll deal with everything later. Except for the fact that I often forget about the later part. Then I find things can build up over time and those small issues become a little bit bigger. In an effort to head that off today, I’m trying to deal with my emotions and tell you that I’ve been really frustrated lately. It would just be so easy if there was a switch to turn off all the negative thoughts that start invading a person’s mind when we go through things like these.
It’s like there’s this intense chess match going on in my head between positive and negative. All I can do is hand everything over to God. On more than one occasion He’s helped me get through some pretty tough times. Once again this is another area that I could do a better job with. I know that I can put my trust in God’s hands to help me with anything! However, sometimes the things going on around me cause me to get distracted and I forget to have that simple conversation with Him. It isn’t difficult! Yet we get so caught up in the day to day that we forget or make excuses for why we don’t.
Slowing myself down for a minute and grounding myself in what I know is true and can help me the most is what I need right now. If there’s any message at all its that I need to have that conversation with God and to ask Him to help me with any of the frustration that I might be having a hard time with. I know this post doesn’t have a lot to it but I’m just taking the opportunity to share with all of you how I’m feeling inside. A simple message is sometimes the best!