How can things be so good and then the next day be so bad? I woke up this morning and felt as though I’d been run over by a freight train. This is one of the many things I hate about CRPS is that in the blink of an eye things can change. It makes it really hard to plan your life in any way, because you don’t know what things will be like from one minute to the next. It was as though someone had put my head in one of those bingo tumblers that they have, to call the numbers with! I couldn’t put a thought together if I tried. I just said a prayer that things would clear and now I’m at least able to put my thoughts together. My pain has been slowly getting worse overnight, to the point where I’m starting to reach my limit.
I would never wish for this to happen to anyone. I do wish though that a person could walk a day in my shoes, and experience what we do. It isn’t just the pain that changes overnight, but your mental attitude changes as well. You go from being great one day, to hanging on with your fingertips the next. I keep asking daily for God to take away the pain, but on days like today that’s so tough to do. I know I have to be tough and push and pray my way through it! I don’t know if it’s possible to describe how this pain feels today. If you didn’t already know and are reading this for the first time, it’s my left leg and hand that are affected. When I take even a step today I get shooting pains up my entire leg, and the leg itself feels like someone has stabbed me a million times! Not to mention that both my limbs feel like
their on fire. My hand is the same way in that the pain is off the charts and it hurts just to touch. Add in the various symptoms that one feels associated with their head, and you’ve got a mix for a real party.
As a result my brain is in overdrive and once again I have to go into survival mode. So it’s a matter of pulling out my survival kit and digging in for the fight. If you were wondering what was in my survival kit, there are a few things in it but the main ingredient is God. Yes when things get like this I need Him, and ask for His help and guidance to get through things. If you haven’t already figured out by reading my blog God is the anchor in my life. I don’t know where I would be or what type of person I would be without Him in my life. So many people have come up to me and asked me how I get through all of this, well my main answer is always GOD! If you have faith, then He will give you the strength and courage to get through everything you go through in life. He has done these things for me and I know he’ll do the same for you. All that is required from you is to take that leap of faith and ask Him into your life.
As bad as I feel today I know that tomorrow will bring a new day and I will carry on doing what I always do. Doing what I always do is carry on the fight and win over this nasty disease called CRPS. It’s about stopping anything negative dead in it’s tracks and building it into a positive. So if I wanted I could allow the way I’m feeling today to affect me in a negative way but I don’t. Why? God gives me the strength to be positive and overcome. My plans are to hurdle the wall that’s built itself up today. Tomorrow I’ll do the same if I need to. I don’t know what sits there waiting for me when this is all over, but I sure want to find out! You might be reading this today thinking “I don’t have anything left inside to fight with”. You do you just don’t know it! I challenge you to look deep within yourself and ask yourself how badly you want it?
You see before I started writing this I was feeling tired, discouraged, and unable to find my focus and push through. Through the course of this post I have once again found my focus and my inner desire to overcome. Don’t underestimate what God can do, because there is amazing power in prayer!! It takes strength and courage to dig in your heels and fight and win each war, and mine comes from God where do you find yours?