What’s Going On In My Brain!!
The last couple of days have really been challenging for me. My pain is starting to spike up again and I’m starting to have a hard time with my head again. If you didn’t already know when you suffer from CRPS sometimes people get these really bad headaches. They are almost like a tension headache however a lot worse in my books. Along with the headache I start to have trouble with trying to find the words I want to use, and thought process in general becomes difficult. When things get this way it can be tough all around to function because I start to get frustrated and it becomes really hard to deal with the pain.
I know things are starting to get hard to control when I wake up first thing in the morning and it takes me about 20 minutes just to get out of bed in the morning. There is a direct relationship between my increase in pain and what’s going on in my brain. As the headaches get worse so does the pain. So I’ll just apologize right now if something doesn’t make sense as you read it. I’m finding it a challenge to write this post because trying to put together the words I want to use becomes very difficult. Like everything else though I keep fighting and don’t let it discourage me.
What I find is that when you start to have a hard time dealing with you brain, your ability to deal with your pain goes right out the window! When this starts happening I find myself getting more easily frustrated because my fuse is so short. I really notice that I start becoming more easily agitated by the smallest of things, and I feel as though I could crawl out of my own skin! This is all a part of the CRPS and the changes that have gone on within the brain, and it becomes something hard to control. It’s just another reminder of what I’m dealing with, and this is one of the most challenging things for me to overcome. There are lots of times that I’ve found that I just want to quit because it all becomes too much when things get like this. It’s hard when you do things like write the same sentence over three times because you have a hard time putting the words together. Which is what has just happened!!
All of a sudden it’s no longer mind over matter because your mind is the problem. With CRPS we spend a lot of time in our therapy trying to work with our mind in telling our brain that the pain signals aren’t correct. There are lots of times when it’s mind over matter and we can control our pain levels. Well when your head gets the way mine has been over the last little while, then it no longer becomes mind over matter because your spending all of your time trying to focus on dealing with easing the symptoms that are going on in your head. At times like this I start to feel like the scarecrow from the Wizzard Of Oz who’s in search of a brain! It becomes a much harder fight at this point because even little thing becomes a big challenge. I find myself asking God for clarity of mind to be able to keep fighting.
The good news is that I have found something that’s starting to help my symptoms that I suffer from with my head. One of my therapists is starting to do massage through areas of my shoulders, neck, and up into the base of my head. This seems to really help, and we seem to be able to get the tissues to unravel and relax which helps. It not just your typical massage to get rid of stress. It’s hard for me to explain and I’ll see if I can get some info so that I can post it here on the site. If your dealing with CRPS and you’re having the same issues as I am with your head then this might be something you want to try. It helps my nervous system to relax and usually within a few minutes I can feel a major difference in how I’m feeling. Within minutes I can feel the nerves within my chest and legs ease.
So how are things going besides dealing with these things? Great! I need my holiday and I need some time alone with my wife. Don’t get me wrong I love my kids and would do anything for them however it’s time to spend some alone time with my wife again. Over the last five years we’ve been dealing with raising kids and dealing with health issues, so the alone time isn’t as easy to come by. I’m looking forward to getting that time with her. We have a busy week and a half before we go though, which includes my daughters seventh birthday party on the weekend. Can you tell I’m excited to have seven girls at a party. Add the fact that they will be swinging golf clubs at mini golf kind of scares me!!!