I had some time this morning to work on putting up a post which as of late seems hard to do. It seems as if ever day is packed full from the minute I get out of bed until I go to bed. Last week was a bit nuts as we tried to get the basement finished and ready for everything to come back from storage. Fit in the kids soccer and gymnastics and entertaining friends for dinner and it made for a really busy week. Did I forget to mention that I had my usual couple of doctors appointments in there as well! Even though it was a busy week, it was nice to see the smile on my girls faces as they got to play in their new basement. There are still lots of odd jobs to do but it’s finally functional!
This week I’ve decided that I’m going to slow things down a bit so I can reduce some of the stress which has been causing my pain to be increased so much as of late. I also want to focus on putting a few key pieces back in place for the ongoing care that I need in dealing with my CRPS. Last week I saw the surgeon that has been responsible in giving me a quality of life back for the last time. I knew this day was coming as he gets older and will now be retiring. So tomorrow I will visit the implant clinic and set up a transition of all my files and care to a new neurosurgeon who will look after me from this point forward. At the same time I’ll have a few adjustments made to my implants to help cover the pain a little better, as I’m not getting the relief in my hand that I’d like right now.
As I was thinking about what to put together in today’s post I felt as though it should talk about walking in faith through your journey and not through fear. When I was first diagnosed with my CRPS it could have been very easy to become paralyzed by fear. You start facing all kinds of obstacles and challenges that bring on different fears. My faith was being challenged in all kinds of ways, and there were lots of occasions where I had to make choices to either live in faith, or to be held captive by all those fears. When my finances got cut in half by my disability I could have chosen to live in fear that I wasn’t going to have enough money to pay the next bill or have faith that God would put the pieces in place and provide for our family.
At what point do you stop living in fear? I allow the big problems to be lifted off my shoulders and placed upon God’s shoulders which are so much bigger than ours could ever be! Having faith though is most certainly not easy at the best of times, and trying not to let the fear seep in can be even harder. Making this transition to a new surgeon is a perfect example of that. As I make the change between doctors there are all kinds of questions that come up. Am I going to receive the same level of care? Will the transition be smooth? If I choose to dwell on these questions it can cause all kinds of doubt to enter ones mind which can then lead to fear.
Having faith is a real challenge and means that you have to give up control which for some is easier than others. For myself it’s been a learning process and there have been times where it’s been easy and other times where it’s been a real fight to let go and just trust that God’s going to work it all out. It’s something I have to remind myself about every time I’m facing anything that might bring about fear. I consciously have to tell myself that I’m going to choose faith instead of allowing the fear to deeply root itself within causing anxiety and worry. It means having a positive attitude even though I’m going through a season in my life where there are all kinds of uncertainties.
Life at the best of times is full of making difficult choices and adding an illness like CRPS certainly makes things more difficult to manage at the best of times. So my question to you is simple. Do you choose faith or fear?