Change Within Part One!

For several months now my health has been touch and go and I didn’t know if I’d have to get a refund on our trip to Cancun or not. I can’t tell you how many times it went through my head that this trip just wasn’t going to happen, even though I just wouldn’t admit it to myself.  Looking forward to something fun for a change that doesn’t have anything to do with my health was a welcome change. Well I’m happy to say that in less than twenty four hours we get on that plane for a fun filled holiday full of relaxing on a beach doing absolutely nothing. Normally when we travel we like exploring the region and taking in all that destination has to offer. That won’t be happening on this trip. This time I’m perfectly happy to go and park myself on a beach and not move! Let’s just say my body won’t let me right now!

Now that we are going its time to get last minute details taken care of, and lets just say that there are a lot to take care of. Then there’s this here blog that would normally write a post from wherever I was going so that you can enjoy the same scenery as I am except for one small detail! That YOUR really not there! Not that I want to rub it in because I don’t. The only people I want to do that to are the friends and family that are back home in -30C weather spending day after day shoveling!! I regret to inform you that I won’t be able to do that this time because I won’t be on the internet. With what your paying for in an all-inclusive trip you’d expect that WiFi would be included, where they can make money however they will! So I won’t be bringing you any pictures until I get back. I’m hoping to get around to writing a couple more posts that will publish while I’m away but I’m not sure if I’m that organised this time!

From a pain standpoint things are up and down as always, with some just needing to find that alone time to calm down the nervous system. Those days are very few and far between when you have a nervous system that’s always on edge and doesn’t seem to ever calm down! Its the life that I have to live with and have had to learn to accept along with everything it brings with it. Nobody said this was going to be an easy road, and believe me what I’ve had to endure over the last few years has been anything but a walk in the park. In some ways I feel like over the past year its been one big character building exercise that I’ve been put through. As a result I feel like God has been building me into someone stronger more resiliant, ready to take on anything and everything.

Through this lengthy trial that I’ve had to walk through, I feel as though I’ve been discovering who I really am inside and the person that God created me to be. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again but for the longest time I struggled with what was going on inside myself after being diagnosed with my CRPS. For starters I felt lost and like my self-esteem had sufford a major blow. I had just brought my daughter home from China and I questioned how I was going to be as a father dealing with a disability. Then there was the guilt of my wife having to not only watch me go through this, but to have to take on so much extra and not be a stay at home mom! As if that wasn’t enough I couldn’t stop thinking about what life was going to be like for myself in the future. All of these feelings took several years to deal with.

Somehow in the middle of all these storms and all the trials something changed and a strength and the ability to be extremely happy with my life has come about. How does that happen? In part two of this post I’ll be looking at that! So until next week goodbye and its off for some fun in the sun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Adapting To A New Way Of Life!

I had intended on posting a few days ago but once again things are a bit on the crazy side and I’m trying to get my basement finished sometime before summer. The restoration company that’s doing the construction is taking their sweet time in finishing the work they need to do. They came Wed of last week to start the framing but then Thurs decided not to show. What made me even more frustrated was that I had called to see where they were and nobody even returned my call. Late in the day I finally did get a call saying they would come Friday. What I wasn’t expecting was that they would show up and do a half hours work then leave! Talk about frustrating!

My pain levels have been up and down over the last couple of days but at the same time I’ve been under a lot of stress so I have to expect things will be a little worse. In a week I’ll be headed to the surgeons office to see how things have been healing over the last few weeks. So far things seem to be doing well but it’s just a really slow process. I’m trying to take things easy but that’s easier said than done because I have lots of winter clean up to do, and I can’t afford to hire everything out. As those of you who are dealing with disabilities know, you become dependant on others to do so much. It’s a constant reminder that your life has changed and you have to work hard not to let it affect you.

Depending on so many others is hard for us and for a long time you may have to rely on those people around you. The hardest part is accepting that help and for the longest time I didn’t want to take it. Once I did though it helped me focus on getting better or adapting in ways that I needed to in order to make life a little less complicated. It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my life because you’ve lost your independence and some of the things you need help with really frustrate you to the core. With my hand being affected I can’t move the fingers on my left, so when it came to cutting up my food I just couldn’t do it. My wife and I would be out to dinner and I’d have to pass her my plate and have her cut up everything. Another in your face reminder of the change that has happened. The good news though is that over time I’ve learned to adapt and for the most part now I can do it myself! It’s about giving yourself time to adapt and making small changes in your life. You can and will regain some of that independence that you lost, it just takes a little time.

As we head into summer this is the time of year where there are lots of outdoor jobs that need to be done. My list of jobs for this year is long and a large amount of those jobs are too tough for me to do. My outlook before would be just to put those jobs out of my mind because I couldn’t do them as well as it would be far to expensive to higher them all out. This year is going to be different though because I’m going to find ways to adapt to do those jobs. I have the confidence now in that I can overcome any obstacle that’s put in front of me. It might not be that its done the same way but I’m going to do them again!

So you might be a little on the frustrated side at the moment but never lose hope. It just takes a little bit of time and effort on your part to adapt and gain back some of that independence that you’ve lost.