Hi again! It’s been a little over a week trying to put this post together, needless to say it’s been a lesson in frustration. With the increase in medication for my pain I’ve found that concentration for any period of time has been more difficult than usual. It doesn’t normally take this length of time to put together a post but I’m struggling at the moment. I’m in defence mode trying to get everything under control to be more comfortable. At least until I have my surgery to replace the stimulator that isn’t really working. I wanted to include a few more trip pictures so enjoy as you read through.
Up until the last couple of months my CRPS has been under control the best it can be given the nature of the illness. The last few months have without a doubt been more difficult however and my pain has become more difficult to manage! There is hope though because I can get back to where I was after I have the surgery. Yes! There is a long recovery but I’m refusing to believe that I’m going backwards rather than forwards. God is with me and encourages me every day when I need it the most. Over and over I’ve faced adversity through this illness and every time God helps me get through it. Like a boxer who gets knocked down but refuses to stay down, I bounce back up on my feet and get back to the task at hand.
None of this would be possible without God encouraging me and strengthening me as I go through all of this. The long nights like tonight where it’s 3:00am and I can’t sleep because of my pain are hard to deal with, knowing that I need to get up in the morning to be able to function with the rest of the family. Faithfully though He gives me the energy that I need to get through the long days and long nights like these. To be blunt nights like tonight suck! But I know that I’ll come out just fine on the other side because I’m not alone through this fight. On nights where things get like this the emotions of what I’ve had to walk through on this journey come right to the surface. As like so many other times though God always brings peace over me when I need it the most.
I guess the hardest thing about flare ups like tonight and several times in the last week, is being reminded of just how quickly things can change with CRPS. You don’t get to make a lot of choices when it comes to the illness itself but you can choose how your going to let it affect you. I’m not going to lie! Trying to put my thoughts together for this post has been brutal! I don’t know how many times I just wanted to give up, the fight inside me though said not to give up and to push through.
My intent tonight wasn’t to write something that was a real downer but to give you a snapshot of what I face daily while living with CRPS. Some days I feel fantastic for a person who’s living with chronic pain and others not so hot. I don’t think this blog would be real unless I gave you some of the bad with the good. Your emotions are constantly being played with, and there isn’t a day where I don’t have to ask God to bring things back under control. On the turn of a dime things can change with this illness and you have to be ready at all times to fight more than you’ve fought in your life. My fight right now is preparing myself for the surgery that I have to face once again. Knowing the increase in pain I’ll have to face and the healing time honestly makes me want to cry! I don’t want to go through that all again but know it’s necessary if I want to get the pain under control.
When your living with an illness like CRPS sometimes just finishing what you started is a big accomplishment! Tonight I did just that!