I know! Its been a while! This blog has taken the backseat for the last little while. Its had to because things have been rather tough for me lately. Every day is a task to get through at the moment, and so I need to be careful and make sure I’m not taking on to much. My pain levels have been all over the place, and we’re trying to figure out why the surgery site in my back isn’t improving. The surgery site in my back has been getting more painful along with a constant headache that nothing seems to take away. My week was spent having a few tests done to try and determine what might be wrong. With any luck I will be able to avoid surgery!!! I’ve been spending a lot of time flat on my back and forget trying to lift anything remotely heavy because that just isn’t happening. Even bending over to tie my shoes is painful.
Going into this implant replacement I knew that I had to go all in if I wanted to see an improvement in my pain control. So no matter how long the healing time or what I have to face I’m in it for the long haul. That means enduring whatever twists and turns come along the road, and so far there have been a few of those! There might be a few more before all is said and done so I remain as positive and focused on the big picture which is pain relief. A few years ago I committed to this process of the implants no matter what the outcome was or what I had to endure. I’m hopeful that over time things will get better, there are times however where my will is challenged. At times its scary or even frustrating but I don’t regret making the choice I did even though its been pain stakingly hard at times.
To say that the battle through this illness has been tough is an understatement. I don’t know why but today I started thinking about the amount of time that I’ve been living with chronic pain. Or maybe because the pain has been really bad as of late and I just need it to leave. So I thought just out of interest I’d see just how long its been! When I sat down and did the math nine years at 365 days, 24hrs a day translated into 78,840 hrs that I’ve lived with constant pain. No wonder some days seem so long and make you feel so tired and want to give up! If you live with chronic pain or CRPS then you can totally relate to what I’m saying.
There are days when your living with an illness like CRPS when you have to muster all your strength just to get out of bed. This morning was one of those mornings but for some reason I knew I had to do it. Its a good thing I did because in church this morning our pastor used this quote in his message and I can’t tell you how much I could relate to itLook.
” If your going through hell keep going”
Funny how God works but there was a very direct message in this quote and there’s no need to explain it! Such simple words but such a powerful message. The message at today’s service was one I needed to hear because at times when I feel discouraged or frustrated about how much I’ve had to endure with this illness I need to remember just what God says about facing the trials I do in my life.
James 1 2-4 says this:
“ Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing”
When you break down this peace of scripture what he means by this is that when your faith is tested and you endure and persevere it causes you to grow or flourish in the midst of that adverse circumstance. If I make the right decisions through the trials that I face, then things can actually work for me instead of against me and eventually I’ll be able to come out on top.
I guess this peace of scripture really speaks to me because I’m seeing this play out in my own life. I’ve faced many trials as I’ve been walking along on this journey. Each trial I face tests my faith more and more. As it gets tested my endurance gets that much stronger and I’m seeing myself grow in ways that I never thought I’d see. As hard as some days may be I know that God is there every step of the way and its so encouraging when He’s there to pick me up like He did today when I need it the most.