I’m really hoping that everyone is having a good weekend! I’ve had a pretty good weekend so far. It was a family day yesterday, and so we drove out to a Mineral Spa not to far from here, and spent the afternoon lounging in the spa pool they have. If you ever want a sure fire way to tire the kids out this is the way to do it. One of my daughters fell asleep in the car on the way home, the other was pretty tired as well and was nodding off as well. As for me it was a nice way to try and relax and forget about the pain. My pain is under control today and I feel like after a hard couple of days, that things might be easing a bit. I have to be the first to admit that it’s been really tough to stay positive. One thing after another has caused me to become frustrated and tired, and tried tried to knock me off my game.
This week I’ve been taking some time to think about how I’ve gotten to where I am, today, since being diagnosed with my CRPS. It’s been a really long six years for not only myself, but my family as well in dealing with this. When I look back to the beginning, I realize that it’s been a really long journey so far with lots of bumps along the way. I’ve gone from being scared and angry at the beginning, to where I am now which is strong and confident. I don’t know how things are going to end because as of right now the journey hasn’t come to an end. I’m just believing that God is going to show me the purpose that He has for my life. There is a reason that I’m going through what I am, and I’m learning things about myself that I never knew before.
When life threw me this curve ball my life was on track according to me, or so I thought. Then when my world was flipped upside down, I had a hard time accepting what had happened. I’m not going to lie I was angry because I had worked so hard to get to the point of my life I was at. All of a sudden I was forced to accept this huge change in my life, and what I realize now is that I was having problems with that. It was a matter of finally coming to terms with the way that things were and feeling good about myself. I had to understand that it wasn’t the end of the world when this all happened and that God had a different plan for me in my life. Through all of this though there was one thing that I had going and it was faith! Somewhere deep down inside my it was burning strong to help me through the hard times.
Slowly God stripped away all the anger, frustration, and confusion, to replace it with confidence, boldness, and of course an even stronger faith. Over time I’ve been able to see that there is an even greater plan for my life. So how did this come to be? It was a matter of seeing the great things that I can still do with my life. Even more importantly it’s about being able to do amazing things for God. Their is a desire that’s been placed within me to help other people who are suffering from chronic illness. Maybe there is a reason I’ve had to suffer for all these years? Only God knows the answer to that.
As I’ve already mentioned I’m not at the end of my journey yet. I’m still riding that monster wave, and wondering where all of this is going to wash out. What I do know is that letting my disability win by ruling my life will never happen. I know that I have risen above that and will not suffer defeat. I’m happy with who I have become within all of this and where I am going. Am I going to have down days? Of course! I’m only human and don’t claim to be perfect. I do know that within His eyes I am perfect and that’s what really matters!