Bye, bye, bye #HAWMC

Living with a chronic illness you face lots of people who don’t understand your daily struggles. Sometimes because of this people can be inconsiderate and hurtful. Often you want to tell them how you really feel but don’t feel like you can. So today I’m taking the opportunity to do a little venting, which some of you might know that I do from time to time!! There’s nobody in particular that this is being directed at but I do want to say a few things to those of you that don’t understand chronic pain. Just because I have a smile on my face today doesn’t mean that I’m feeling fine, and that I’m not in a great deal of pain. On those days where I might seem a bit irritable the chances are that my pain is probably off the charts! In other words how things appear on the outside might be totally different from whats going on inside me.

Often those of us who suffer from chronic pain conditions are made to feel bad about something that is totally out of our control. I touched on this in a previous post, when I was talking about how physicians and others in health care often tell us that all of this is in our head. To make some of the statements they do when they aren’t the ones living in pain 24/7 is both hurtful and inconsiderate. However it isn’t only isolated to people within the medical community that this happens. I have had people who don’t even know me walk up to me and judge me, all of a sudden telling me telling me how I feel because they know me better than I know myself!

When someone does this I can’t begin to describe how this makes me feel inside. It only makes me want to say “live a day in my shoes” because you have no idea what I go through on a daily basis. Or tie one of your hands behind your back for a day, and see what its like to function doing everything with just that one hand! Not to mention the pain I have to put up with. If you only knew just how much I’ve had to adapt and change my life over the last ten years. Be careful when you judge that person who parks in handicap parking which I know some of you do. I’ve been that person who was judged! I had someone come up to me as I got out of the car and tell me I had nothing wrong with me, and that the space was for people with real disabilities. First of all I have a placard issued by my physician giving me every right to park in that space! Secondly did you miss the cane I was walking with at the time! Last of all you have no idea what might be wrong with me so maybe you should take the time to find out the facts first.

My point of sharing that with you is that words can hurt! At the time I was taken back and in shock that someone would say something like that to me. Here was this man who knew nothing about me yet he felt justified to judge me! Lets just say my guard went up and I had to ask God for grace to take the high road. This happens more often than you would think to those of us suffering from chronic illness. Its hard enough dealing with the disability itself I don’t need people making judgments about me on top of all that. You have to remember that a person’s self esteem has already suffered a lot when they are diagnosed with an illness. So making them feel worse when they are just trying to get through the storm doesn’t work!!!! Think before you make that comment and ask yourself it’s appropriate to make.

I’m not saying that you can’t ask how I’m doing or talk to me about my illness. All I’m saying is be sensitive to what you say. Think about the fact that I have to live with this illness every day of my life and sometimes the reminders hurt more than you know!

About Ross

My name is Ross and I want to welcome you to my site. I'm married to an amazing woman who is my best friend, and my soul mate all rolled up into one! I am the father of two very special girls who we adopted from China & Ethiopia. Together we make up one very multicultural family! In 2006 my life was turned upside down when I was diagnosed with CRPS/RSD. It was the start of a journey I never could have expected, and one that I couldn't fight without God. CRPS is a chronic pain disease and it started in my left hand. I lost mobility of my hand and started to experience pain unlike I ever could have imagined. Not to long after my left ankle became affected. I spent the better half of about a year not knowing what was going on in my body and traveling from doctor to doctor to find a diagnosis. As time went by I started learning more about CRPS and all its symptoms that it brings with it! As I started to learn more about CRPS I felt the growing need to share the information I was learning with others and to raise more awareness. As well I want this to be a place where we can connect and support one another. So I would encourage you to contact me if you want.
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One Response to Bye, bye, bye #HAWMC

  1. casey says:

    yes!!! This is such a great post. Not only do I empathize on behalf of my husband but, I can relate in the sense that people often do the same thing to me though in a different fashion….I’ve had so many people judge the state of my marriage or my choices based on their idea of what an ideal marriage or choice should be in a best case scenario but they don’t realize all the things going on behind the scenes. How sad that someone took the time to say that to you in the parking spot. Really, do people have nothing better to do? But, it’s also a great reminder to me…I need to always extend grace to people first and it isn’t always my first reaction so thank you for the reminder. You are so right, chronic pain isn’t visible so people that can’t see it, often don’t get it. My heart goes out to you and my husband and all who battle. You are all so strong to fight quietly for joy the way you do. Blessings!!

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