Today is the perfect day to write a post seeing as I’m stuck in bed! Overnight things turned very nasty and my pain level has shot up. It’s days like this where I have a hard time because out of nowhere my symptoms explode and leave me pretty rocking in the fetal position. This leaves my wife having to pick up everything that needs to be done with the kids or around the house which I can’t stand! At the same time however I’m lucky enough to have a wife and family that understand that I need space and time alone to get through a flare up like this!
I guess I’m writing this post during my flare up because I want those of you who don’t understand CRPS or know much about it, to see just what one goes through while dealing with a major flare. When things get this crazy and out of control with my CRPS a lot of the time all you can do is hang on and go for the ride. We were out at a dinner last night and by the end of the evening I knew things were getting worse with my pain and nervous system. In the middle of the night I tried adjusting my stimulators to get things under control but that wasn’t making much of a difference. With my nervous system in pure revolt all I could do was lay in bed trying to take my mind off the pain. It might sound easy enough but when you “CAN’T” get your mind off the pain because something upstairs in your head isn’t working quite right, it all of a sudden it isn’t so easy!
It was a night of tossing and turning trying to get some form of relief that never really came. I layed awake most of the night! As morning came things didn’t really ease at all and there has been little or no relief since. I don’t know how to describe it but the pain I feel at times like this cuts to my inner most core making me almost sick to my stomach. I try to read or do other things to distract myself and take my mind away from the pain, but it’s too intense and I find I have little or no attention span to do anything else but think about the pain. My appetite disappears and I find that trying to do the simplest of tasks takes everything out of me. Needless to say it puts a stop to anything and everything.
Today is one of those days in my fight with CRPS where you feel helpless because your unable to control what is happening within your body and brain. To most of you who are reading this the first three paragraphs are just that, paragraphs in a post that your reading. To me they are three paragraphs that I’ve had to struggle for the last six hours to put together because my thought process keeps getting disrupted. People that don’t know about CRPS or understand it, don’t realize that it’s so much more than just dealing with the pain. It’s a pain that debilitates!
The rest of my family has gone into quiet mode because when the kids start yelling, it sends my nervous system into distress and makes the pain worse. Being alone so that I can have quiet at this point is the best thing for me. If it wasn’t for my faith and having God with me at moments like this I’d probably go crazy! I’ve spent the day today laying in bed with pain shooting down each affected limb, along with spasms that are like lighting bolts. It makes for a real party that goes on within this body.
Did I mention at all I’M HAVING A BAD DAY! I don’t want people to feel sorry for how I’m feeling in any way! Rather I want people to know that I draw strength from times like these. I am not weak but strong and will fight with all my heart and soul to overcome adversity.