Another Test Of Faith!

The past 72hrs has been challenging to say the least! Several trips back to see the surgeon and the staff at the implant clinic haven’t yielded a lot of answers. If you hadn’t read my last post you may not have known that I had my surgery to remove and relocate the second of my two implants. It now sits under my left clavicle and I’m happy with where it is, with any luck it will work out better in this location. During the surgery we ran into some problems and found out that the site had become infected, and we are trying to understand if it might be related to the last infection that I had.

Everything was cleaned out during the surgery and I’ve been put on antibiotics and will undergo further tests next week. We are hopeful that the treatment will work but it’s a watch and wait type thing. The surgeon will run some tests to make sure that nothing has gone to the spinal cord as well. It’s one of those kinks that I didn’t need thrown into the mix but I guess it is what it is! The pain is super intense at the moment and I’m doing my best not to lose my mind. I’m on day four and hopefully in a day or two we’ll see more improvement. Yesterday I couldn’t understand why the pain was getting worse but after talking with the staff at the implant clinic things now make sense. I won’t go into detail but after talking to them about what was done during surgery,  I have a better understanding of why all the extra pain.

My intentions were to finish this yesterday but that just didn’t happen. I’m having a really hard time at the moment dealing with all of this. Going into this surgery I thought I was prepared mentally but clearly I had that part wrong. I can deal with the physical pain but at times everything gets to be to much and I just want it all to be over! It’s also taking it’s toll right now on the rest of my family, with having to make lots of adjustments while I get better. Sometimes that can be harder to deal with than having to deal with recovery itself! It isn’t fare that my family has to be affected the way that they are. At times like this I get angry at the CRPS and the changes it’s caused in my families life. This family has stared adversity in the face before however, and like all those other times we will get through this one as well.

If anything all of this drives me more to beat this illness, and in order  to do that I need to trust that God is going to help me do it. It’s been a rough week and my emotions are running on high! Have you ever had that dream where you need to take a breath but you just can’t. Over and over in the dream you gasp for air  but you just can’t seem to get the breathe until you wake up. Well that’s kind of how I feel this week, I’m having trouble getting my breathe. Once I open my eyes and get that breathe  I know everything will be ok. It’s just going to take a bit of grit and determination to get though all of this.

All of the feelings set aside the surgery itself is going to help improve things for me. I already know without a doubt that moving the battery to where it is now was the right decision. I have to admit I didn’t like the thought of where it was going to go. Sometimes I just need to listen and not question! Thanks for listening to my frustrations in today’s post, sometimes just laying it all out there helps.Well enough rambling for today and besides I need to rest up.

 

5 thoughts on “Another Test Of Faith!”

  1. Ross, I am so sorry for all of this.
    You are being tested beyond fairness,and yet you always have such optimism and such a wonderful spirit. You are a true inspiration, my friend, and so is your family.

    Keep pushing forward. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. You’re welcome, that’s what friends are for 🙂 I think it’s very brave of you to share so much with us. I have no advice, I just pray for you often.

  3. I really feel for you, Ross! Though I haven’t had any surgery for my nerve condition yet, I’ve had far too much surgery for my Ankylosing Spondylitis and it just doesn’t seem fair at all.
    I can absolutely relate to this post and the frustration cause by the constant adversity… and losing the life you once had. I’ve had a similar few weeks, struggling with continued high pain levels, specialist appointments, being told there is currently nothing that can be done but to manage the pain as best as possible. I felt an incredibly suffocating feeling, an inability to breathe, almost lost all hope (and faith) and took a terrible downhill dive emotionally. I’ve never felt so alone in all this. I read your post and it reminded me of why I have fought so much but I still struggle to make sense of it all. I have had a new issue rear its head which has affected my “good” leg… it’s been very difficult to come to terms with. And most likely having to drop out of Uni has left me feeling a failure!
    I know you understand this feeling. God bless you Ross. I do hope you are feeling better every day! 🙂

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